I already hate this post.

Today was the first time I ever went out in public with out any bandanna or wig or a hoodie. It is kind of a big deal. At least to me. I know that Julie can attest to that because I was up late talking to her about my whole insecurity about it. I look like such a boy and for some STUPID reason I care(d) what people think. I know I should not give a flying crap about what anyone thinks. Easier said than done. But I did it anyway, and I'm getting over it. If someone wants to talk crap about me behind my back for some reason, then whatever. I hope they feel really crappy about themselves when they find out the I had cancer and THAT'S why I have my hair the way I do. I conquered my fear and just did it. Why now? Because I got sick of wearing something all the time. Its amazing how much cooler it is without it, especially during a hot flash. And yes, I still get those on a daily basis. When it happens I want to shoot my eye out. But then I'd look like a boy (with boobs) and only one eye. So I guess I could look a lot worse.

People ask me all the time what the worst part about chemo was. Back then, when I just finished those treatments, I would reply nausea or the bad taste that lasted at least a week...but now, its the hair loss. It lasts a hell of a lot longer than any side effect did.

Without further ado, here is my new (and much hated) look. And by the way, I don't want comments that say "Mary, you don't look like a boy! blah blah blah. Don't care what other people think....blah blah blah" Try to think what you would feel/do in my situation. I hate to say it, but you would probably care too. At least at first. Oh, I especially don't want to hear how I look like Jimmy. If you say that, I just might come and shoot you.